


I'll Drink to That

by lilythesilly



Series: (episode) tag, you're it! [4]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Except David Has, Never Have I Ever Eaten a Dog Treat, episode tag: s05e05 Housewarming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:07:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28450635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilythesilly/pseuds/lilythesilly
Summary: He cautiously scans the room and, when he’s sure no one’s looking, takes a sip.“When did you eat a dog treat?”“When were you in Ted’s office?”David glances over to see both Patrick and Alexis gaping at him. Fuck.aka Never Have I Ever Pt. 2 during 'Housewarming'.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: (episode) tag, you're it! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118210
Comments: 25
Kudos: 141





	I'll Drink to That

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roguebaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguebaby/gifts).



> Honestly, the discussion around David eating the dog treat and then kissing Patrick may have been one of my favorite things to happen on Tumblr in 2020. Many many thanks to Amy for the inspo. 
> 
> Title from "The Ladies Who Lunch" from Company.

“I smell _drama_ ,” Stevie smirks into her drink, which makes David roll his eyes. Although if this is what high school was _supposed_ to be like, maybe he might've enjoyed it more. 

Spin the bottle ends quickly after that, and there’s talk of Twister, but the game must’ve gotten lost when they moved all of the furniture around because no one can find it. They settle on playing another game of Never Have I Ever while two of Patrick’s friends (David isn’t really sure _who_ they are but he assumes they must also play the baseball) look for it.

“I finally thought of something,” Stevie picks up the empty wine bottle and grins devilishly, “Never have I ever,” she pauses and looks at David, “kissed my sister’s boyfriend.” 

“I seriously doubt that and you don’t even have a sister,” David says and takes a sip of his drink. 

Stevie passes the wine bottle to him wordlessly and gives him a knowing smile when he walks into the center. After all the cheap shots people have taken at him tonight, he decides it’s only fair to repay the favor—starting with his loving partner, of course. Ok, Never has he ever…

No, wait, he’s done that.

And that.

Also that.

He and Patrick have _both_ done that (and it was _very_ fun).

“Never have I ever,” he finally says and winks at Patrick, “owned a fringed vest.” 

Patrick frowns and moodily takes a sip from his cup, which is _not_ the reaction David was expecting. If anything, he half thought Patrick would pull it out and wear it for the rest of the night just to be annoying. 

“Are you ok?” David asks when he gets back to his spot.

“Yeah, fine.” Patrick says distractedly and grabs the bottle from David’s hand. David makes a mental note to ask him about what's bothering him later.

“Never have I ever,” Patrick sighs, “been birdwatching, I guess.” 

“ _Oh_ , I’ve been birdwatching,” Ted gushes from next to Alexis and downs the rest of his drink, “I once saw an American goldfinch molt for the winter and it was the most beauti- _fowl_ thing I’ve _ever_ seen,” David grimaces and takes a drink to distract himself from the awful pun, “because male goldfinches go from yellow to olive green and those are like, two _completely_ different colors—”

“Ted,” Alexis pats his shoulder and pushes him forward a bit, “why don’t you just take your turn?” 

“Oh, right,” Ted says and hands his cup to Patrick when they trade places, “could you get me a refill big guy?”

“Oh my _god_ what is it with you and _big guy_?” Alexis mutters and grabs the cup from Patrick. 

Ted stands in the circle and tries to balance the wine bottle on the back of his hand before he seems to remember why he was there, “Oh right! Um, never have I ever—wow, there’s actually a lot I haven’t done. Y'know I’d like to travel more and learn how to knit and read the collected works of—”

“ _Ted!_ ” Alexis huffs sharply.

“Oh this one is good. Never have I ever,” he taps the bottle and grins, “eaten one of the dog treats in my office!” 

David freezes and contemplates just ignoring it altogether because only he and Ted know that David did that, so really no one else ever has to know. 

But, he did make a big deal out of the whole ignoring-the-truth-thing when Alexis tried to pretend she didn’t invite Lauren Collins to her bat mitzvah just so she could get a guest role on Degrassi. 

Ugh, _fine_.

He cautiously scans the room and, when he’s sure no one’s looking, takes a sip.

“When did you eat a dog treat?” 

“When were you in Ted’s _office_?” 

David glances over to see both Patrick and Alexis gaping at him. _Fuck_.

“It was during Singles Week,” David says defensively, “and I don’t want to talk about it!”

“Did you kiss him then too?” Alexis asks skeptically. 

“Oh my god,” David groans, “I went there for _you_ , you little b!”

“Wait,” Patrick interrupts and stares at David, “you ate a _dog treat_?” 

Before David can say anything, someone (seriously, who are all of these people in his boyfriend’s apartment?) calls out that they found Twister. “Oh look,” he says and puts his cup down, “time for a new game—I'll spin first!” 

* * *

Though the party was fun, David makes a note for next time not to go with a theme that requires so much of the furniture being moved, because the tedious task of cleaning everything up outweighs the fun of the party itself. 

After he showers, changes (he typically has two or three outfit changes a day of course he’s not wearing the same pajamas to bed), and finishes his nighttime skincare routine, he's finally ready to fall into Patrick’s ( _queen sized!_ ) bed. 

Patrick marks his place in the romance novel he’s reading and puts in on his night stand so he can burrow down into the blankets and wrap his arms around David’s waist. He's never been so excited to just _sleep_ in his life.

“We’re finally _alone._ ” Patrick grins.

“We are.” David says and waggles his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Which means we can do all _sorts of things_ ,” Patrick says and kisses his way up the column of David’s neck, “like,” he bites David’s earlobe, “talk about you eating a dog treat.” 

“I _thought_ it was a _cookie_!” David squawks in protest and swats at Patrick's shoulder before turning over out of his reach. 

“Come on, David,” Patrick says playfully and leans over his shoulder to kiss his jaw, “I wanna know. Did it even taste like a real cookie?” 

“It did.” 

“Did you throw it away?”

“Of course I did.”

“Did you take another bite first?” 

“No.”

“ _David_.” 

“Ok, I took _a_ bite,” David says and even though he’s facing away, he can see Patrick’s eyebrows go up, “two bites,” he amends and feels Patrick’s smirk against the back of his shoulder like he doesn't believe him, which is annoyingly well spotted, “ _Fine_. I ate half of it and _then_ threw it away.”

"Did you think about eating the whole thing?"

" _That's_ _not the point._ "

He feels Patrick laughing against his shoulder before Patrick flips them both around. “Thank you for telling me,” he says and kisses him softly. 

David rolls his eyes, still flustered. “You’re welcome, I guess. Can we please go to bed now?” 

Patrick grins and gives him one more kiss before reaching over and turning off the light on the nightstand. 

David rolls onto his side so he can lay his head on Patrick’s shoulder and throw an arm over his waist, enjoying getting the opportunity to cuddle with his boyfriend _alone_ , without the threat of anyone else walking in and ruining it. He’s almost asleep when he hears Patrick’s voice again, “Wait. Was this the same day you told me you loved me? Did you eat the dog treat and then kiss me?”

“Ok, that’s enough. It’s time for bed, now.” 

“But David—”

“Goodniggggght.”

* * *

David walks into Patrick’s apartment next day, almost over his hangover, and places one of their totes on his kitchen table. 

“What’s that?” Patrick asks from where he’s straining pasta at the sink. 

“A few essentials to accentuate this,” he pauses, “ _open concept_ apartment. Plus, I brought you a few skincare products, because now that you have your own bathroom you have no excuse not to develop at least a basic skincare routine.” 

“Well, thank you,” Patrick comes over and kisses his cheek, glancing over to the countertop, “I also got a few things for you.” 

David walks over to the counter and peers in the other Rose Apothecary tote and notices that duplicates of his aftershave and skincare routine are in there, as well as some other things that make David feel both seen and overwhelmed.

Patrick leans against the counter and grins, “I just want to make sure you have everything you need to feel at home here,” there’s a teasing glimmer in his eye that David doesn’t know the source of yet, “and that includes having your favorite snacks,” he says and pushes a box towards David, who eyes it warily, “ _all_ of them.” 

He peers inside the box and looks at the source for that stupid glint in Patrick’s eye. “You are the rudest man I have ever met,” David closes the box and pushes it away, picking up a different bag next to it instead, “that being said, thank you for the ketchup chips.” 

David glances back at the box of dog treats a beat longer than he means to and Patrick picks up on it immediately. 

“You want one, don’t you?” 

“....no.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr, come say [hi](https://lilythesilly.tumblr.com)!


End file.
